Old men and throwing up are my life now.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Randomize
