piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
