oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
