I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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