So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
