My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
