I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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