Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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