Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Where is the hickey?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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