i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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