my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Duck Duck Cougar?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
