After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
