She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
