My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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