And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
