I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
