can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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