I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
