i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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