There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
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