Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
