i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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