the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
