I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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