Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
