She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You're like the curious george of whores
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
