The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
