Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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