Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
