omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you had me at cake vodka
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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