too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
