How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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