You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
