Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize