Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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