The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
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