ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize