pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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