end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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