I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
