I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
