Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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