so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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