Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
