I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
