Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Randomize
