No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
