i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
