this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
