My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize