Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
