Soap is not a condiment
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
