I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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