My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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