There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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