I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
