3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
