Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
