Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
