she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
