We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
True strength comes from lack of pants
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
