I'm so fucking centered right now
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
