I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
