had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
