my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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