He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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