id be glad to
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
