yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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