We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
