What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
