At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
