There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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