Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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