yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
