it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize