I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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